2009 and counting

I'm back. Call it an intentional hiatus, but I call it forgetfulness.

Things have been very real for me lately.

During the course of my online silence, there was an eruption of noise coming from my day to day activities. It all started out innocent and well intended (as it does), but ended with a crashing devastation. My sobriety took the back-seat when I got my new job and quit smoking and things started looking up. I forgot that I had those things because I was sober. And there I was, just barely 30 days sober, bartending like drinking was never an issue for me. So what did I do? I drank--ON the job. One mimosa for the customer, one for me. Quickly and without room for hesitation is how it happened. That's how it usually happens. I don't want any thoughts to interupt that desire I am so close to feeding.

By the end of my shift I was drunk from 2 mimosas, 2 bloody marys, and 2 Guiness beers I managed to smuggle into the bathroom stall in my apron.
I didn't get very far with this behavior, though I'm sure that's a big shocker.
I carried on a few more shifts with this same routine, the only thing changing was the types of drinks I was making for myself.

One night in particular I left the restaurant at 10pm and headed out to a party at an old friend's house. I planned to just stop by to say hi to friends I hadn't seen in forever, and then go home to much needed sleep since I was due to open the restaurant the next morning at 7am.
Long story short, I began to mingle with old friends as I drank from the many bottles of wine that the hostess kept filling my glass with. By 2am I was in a full-on drunken stupor, banging on bongo drums in the middle of a drum circle. And I am not a drummer.
I passed out in one of the spare bedrooms, waking up at 9:30am. I was supposed to be AT WORK at 7am. I panicked completely, but was still drunk and in a haze. I looked in the mirror and it was obvious to me that I had been crying the night before, but I don't remember doing so. I begin searching for my phone and can't find that. So I freak out and just leave, driving in a wild panic back to my place and collapse next to my boyfriend who is still in bed asleep.

Instead of calling work to explain, I drink more. For 2 days I stay drunk. I finally call to give my apologies and work out my last paycheck. My phone was still missing. So all in all, I lost my sobriety, my phone, my job, and my over-30-day mark without a cigarette. All in a matter of days.

It's taken me a few trys before getting some days in a row of being sober, but as of today I have 15 days. I still don't have a job, but I am diligent in my searching. Smoking is a one-a-day-if-that sorta habit. And after 2 months my friend found my phone and I just retrieved it 3 days ago. I am earning my keep once again , only this time I am actually going to meetings every day, and I have a sponsor and my network of people in the program is growing.

Shit, I'm gonna be late for class. Gotta go.